Tomorrow is my last full week with my students. I’m giving them exams on what we’ve covered these last few weeks (which I anticipate being fairly easy). I also want to give them a little token to which they can attach memories of this year, and have been trying to think for months of what exactly that will be. With around 400 students (excluding the 3through5-year-olds), it has to be something affordable. But I also want it to be personal, so I’ve tried to make time over these past few weeks to take a photo with each student. “Personalized bookmarks?” I thought, for the 5^th and 6^th grade. But to be honest, reading is not exactly a popular pass-time here. My older students can stay in touch with me on Facebook, so I haven’t been quite as concerned with what to do for them. But my littles; I wanted to provide some means of eventual contact.

My precious third graders. They are both my biggest fans and my biggest “thorn in the flesh,” driving me ever to necessity of God’s grace. I will really miss them and their parading me to class every week. I’ll miss all of my students. They are so special and have carved out their own space in my heart.

As for the goodbye gifts, I ended up opting for a little card with a picture on it with each of them and my info in case they should ever what to be in touch. I incorporated the recent Dr. Seuss material as well, in hopes of inspiring further learning. The end has crept up on me, but it has been my intention of writing a personal note on each card. We’ll see if I am able to do that. This weekend has been given to creating this template, resizing photos and trying to lay them out in the most economical fashion for printing. Once printed and cropped (and hopefully written on) this what they’ll look like:

I hope each student knows how very special he/she is to me.  I know I’m just one passing “hello” in all of their lives, but I hope that, through the mysteries of memory and nostalgia, they feel loved by that “hello.”

[In other news...] This has been a pretty cloudy few weeks, both literally and figuratively. I feel like much of the joy and ease of Thai-life his has been overshadowed by business, worry, negativity, avoidance, urgency and relational strain. I guess some of it is the ebb and flow of life, but I’ve been asking God about it. As I laid in bed last night laden with frustration, anger and un-surety,  I closed my eyes and spoke to God. What do I do, God? What happened? My thoughts weaved. Why am I not joyful and present? I felt a nudge to just thank Him… the way I used to thank Him about my life. My soul let out a sigh as my mind whispered to Him, Wow, God, thank you for my motorcycle. I’ve always wanted one. Thank you for my house. My own space. And three bedrooms?! That’s lavish, God. I love it. Thank you for my students. One smiling student named Bam, and a few others, came to mind. The weight began to lift as I thought of more and more that I have. The beauty of Thailand. My amazing family.

I recall something I learned long ago from the book entitled Telling Yourself the Truth (by Backus and Chapian). It’s not what happens that effects you, but rather, what you tell yourself about what happens. It seems simple, but it’s so true. So much of how I’ve felt lately is simply a result of what I believe/fear about life, my future, the unknown… the known, etc. For me, it always seems to come down to an issue of trust vs. control. As time in Thailand closes, I get the privilege (and challenge) of resting and trusting that God really is good and really does have a plan beyond what I can see.

Surely you desire truth in the inner parts; you teach me wisdom in the inmost place.
Psalms 51:6

I love Saturdays. Because usually on Saturdays, I remember that I live in Thailand. I don’t keep track of the time. I don’t think about teaching or what my plans are the next day. And I don‘t worry about much of anything. On Saturdays, I just exist. It’s my own Sabbath, set apart from the rest of the week. These are usually the days that I follow my curiosity down roads I often pass or take long drives through the mountains and fields; just me and my camera and the open, beautiful world.

Today I slept in late; I had been up until 3am texting with my sister Lauren, who had just went into labor. Finally, I decided I would just go to bed and be greeted in the morning by all the pictures of my beautiful, new niece that would no doubt be all over facebook.

After clicking through all the pictures 3 or 4 times (at least!) and wishing there were a thousand more, I got dressed and went out in quest for decent wifi. I spent a few hours on Skype with one of my best friends who is getting married a week after I come home. We caught up on all the details and delights that go into planning the “biggest day of your life.” It’s odd being the Maid-of-Honor and not even getting to help with all those little things that add up to a wedding. But, having already missed two important weddings while living here, at least I will get to be at this one!

As afternoon began melting into evening, my curiosity led me down a road, winding through a neighborhood of old Thai houses and then to this seemingly old temple. I spent a good thirty minutes wandering around the empty place taking photos and asking God what He thought of it all. All I could discern was His returned question, What do you think of it?

Hmm, I thought. Well, it’s beautiful I guess, I said quietly eyeing the mosaic of colorful mirrors that surrounded the doors and traced the bowed pointy roof. But I don’t know, noticing in the shadows yet two more of the 28+ Buddhas I’d already seen on the property, it seems empty. Man-made. I couldn’t help thinking of when God told the Israelites in the Ten Commandments not to make any images of Him. I wondered if perhaps it was because not a single image could ever do Him justice. There’s already enough in life that serves to limit our ideas of God. To try to create anything that could capture the One who created everything… it just wouldn’t quite work. Every drop of beauty we see, all the real love we feel, every transcendent moment of joy or peace… it’s from Him; it’s a reflection of this Great Artist.

I told Him I thought the trees and flowers were prettier than the beautiful temple. And later, that the sunset and it’s reflection on the glassy water of the river below was also more breathtaking.  And my niece…wow. I still wonder what He thinks of it all – the temples, the monks, the ritual – but I do know that He love people. That He made the Sabbath so we would rest and remember that we are human beings, not human doings. That He fit into each tiny new baby a piece of his eternal nature that will glimmer and shine in new ways each passing day and year. That He loves marriage and gave us each a longing for intimacy. I do know that He is always revealing Himself in these thing. Drawing us to His love.

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